Every day more and more children in South Africa are born with Autism.

Cullen was born 15 September 2006...

Children with Autism dont show emotion, dont make eye contact, dont play, dont interact, often have problems with Speech and fine motor control...

Cullen continues to challenge himself and conquer all of this...


Follow our journey, our challenge, our triumph, our lives...

Monday, 19 September 2011

Splattering COUGHS

I hate it when my Horsie is SICK.
And not just cause I am a mommy who has to deal with the sick little body,
but because my Horsie cant TELL me whats= is wrong or sore or eina or painful.

So I act like doctor and try to sort his pain, try to help with his cough, try to get him to eat right and sleep well, and take all his nutrients. Its a guessing game at times...sometimes with me winning the loot and sometimes with me having to PAWN all my "possessions" to try to get to what the problem is.

I almost feel like I play a game of Russian Roulette - its a gamble...most times...
He had the tummy issue 2 weeks ago, last week it turned to the splattering coughs and sore throat issue, but I was prepared and armed with a Zithromax Script (GREAT ANTIBIOTIC 3 day course) usually this hits it...but we have finished the 3 day course and only now, does my Horsie's cough seem a bit loose, but its still there...still bothering the point where he has been physically hitting his OWN HEAD AGAIN!

This drives me insane...and I have expressed this before...
I feel this is so destructive, almost going in reverse not progression and yet I know this is HIS ONLY form of communicating

But I still remain HEART SORE, that is what he has to do to "SPEAK!!!"
So...more Prospan? (Cough mootie as my mom calls it) Another doctor's visit? Higher Vit C and B and DMG dosing? What next?
THIS poor Horsie...
AND TOMORO is a BIG BIG day...
A consultation with Reva Fedigan - Speech and ABA therapist from the US of A...
2 hours...
and 3-5pm - suicide hours....
Please Lord let him be somewhat ok by then...
The assessment in itself will be exhausting nevermind adding the spluttering splattering coughs, and chest heaves!

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


So today I need to FOCUS!!!
I need to start thinking about my Horsie's BIRTHDAY on THURSDAY and what creative nummy something I can come up with, without interferring too much with his special restricted diet but that also TASTES BETTER THAN CARDBOARD!

I mean its no jokes people, the GFCGFGF diet is CRAZY bland and my boy deserves something special THURSDAY for his 5 th BIRTHDAY...let me say it again - his 5TH BIRTHDAY!

I cant believe 5 years ago, I was what I believed the biggest hefferlumpiest (yes thats my own word) most complainy preggy lady, who couldnt wait to meet my little baba boy.
Its also been 5 years to the day, that we celebrated my Granny Ann's birthday at a prawn restaurant in the South, and where she looked me in my restless, achy boned, blary (sleep deprived already then) eyes, and said, "my girl you wont make the end of this week, you going to have that baby soon." even thou i was only 36.5 weeks...

I couldnt sit, I couldnt stand, little did I know I was already in labour, because when my little Horsie decided the morning of the 15th to make his awesome entrance I was already dilated, and ready to rumble, leaving it in GOD's hands, but he was breech and vertex, and he was coming quick. Suffice to say Daddy being the ULTRA cool calm man he is, even felt it necessary to brush his teeth while I GRITTED mine in contraction HOLY mother OMW this is *%*&^(*^& PAINFUL PAIN!!! So I got sliced, and at 3:30am Cullen Chris Cairns Croll was born...shame poor guy, look at those initials C.C.C.Croll

So as befitting for today on my Granny's Birthday, but who left this earth in February this year, to be in the company of a greater being, I say PLAN PLAN PLAN for Thursday, and give thanks for today, for without you Gran, I wouldnt be here, mom wouldnt be here, we wouldnt be who we are, and Cullen wouldnt be the absolute TEACHER of my life.

So here is to BROWNIES, CAKES or RICE Ice Cream for Thursday - lets see what magic hat I can pull them out of, and here is to a fantastic Granny and mom, who without their support, love, nurturing souls and absolute STRENGTH...

I would probably be LOST and peering out of some institutional window.

Monday, 12 September 2011

NEVER been so HAPPPPPPY to have him have a bowel movement

You know the things we get happy about these days...are sooo different from what I would have been happy about a few years ago...

Bowel Movements are ONE of THOSE things.
Yes when you are preggers - ok maybe only me (maybe some of you too) PRAYED for your tummy to go and for the nasty CONSTIPATION to NOT be an issue...because it is PAINFUL!! ITS HORRID!!

Last week was a "PLEASE let his bowel movement come" week!
Horsie had fecal impaction - and if that medical term is not an indication of just how sore that might be...
His facial expressions and AGGRESSION (because he does not know how to say "MOMMY my tummy aches and I have so much pain PLEASE HELP") might be an indication.

Horsie is in NO WAY Aggressive UNLESS he is in SEVERE PAIN!

It all began last Monday morning on our way to Wiggles in the car. He began to BASH his head (like those You tube videos you see with kids who are severly mentally challenged do)
It scared the LIVING    $*&*(&%$   OUT OF ME!!!!
I have never had that with my boy - so severe and then hitting himself on his head too!!
Moaning crying...
It freaked me out - I though oh my word...
and this after a few days prior almost scratching his pops' face off..

I thought NO...

WE ARE GOING 15 YEARS backwards...
Then I began to think of other times when he bit me or was slightly aggressive - it was due to pain or SENSORY OVERLOAD.
Look I am under no illusions that sometimes - my life - my feelings and anxieties rub off on my son, my family, and so I started scrutinising why my boy was SOOOOOO AGGRESSIVE and the head bashing thing...

Was it :
1. Due to concert practise - a lot of sensory overload, change of routine (BIG NO NO for kids with Autism)
2. Due to me having a major life change- in my resignation from work - CHANGE IN routine (BIG NO NO AGAIN!)
3. Me worrying about all of this - feeling stressed, anxiety etc etc etc (BIG NO NO FOR A BOY WHO FEELS ALL OF THIS WITH ME -IF NOT MORE IN EXAGGERATED VOLUMES)
4. GI (Gastro-intestinal) PAIN!!!! Severe GI PAIN!!!!

Well I went with all of the above! Got our wonderful Dr Louise from Cape Town to email a x-ray form, we did a abdominal x-ray and low and behold - huge fecal impaction (Where pooh is literally stuck in his colon causing severe pain - if your child has any dietary restrictions it could be a problem- duh we have many many restrictions.)

So we started with pegicol, after 8 sachets nothing (NOW THAT I THOUGHT WAS A LOT)- I also asked his sweet principal to lessen the sensory overload with the concert, which she did with absolute pleasure and love, and that helped!
I am trying...I repeat be better at the anxiety thing too...(Easier said than adjusted).

Its 1 week later, almost R1300-00 spent, after excluding sinus pain, x-rays, meds, doctors bills et etc etc
and my HORSIE  is smiling again. He had 5 LARGE BOWEL MOVEMENTS...and we were so HAPPY!


He is himself again...
PLEASE LORD let this be a good good week! A good bowel week, a good sleep week, a good play week, a good time week,
We do not want any fecal anythings...

Friday, 9 September 2011


Ok so perseverance...
According to an online dictionary (because time right now is VERY PRECIOUS), perseverance is defined as a "steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement."
Well well well...
I think I am one mommy of many (whom I have got to know through our beautiful angel school sent from Heaven with angelic teachers and principals.)
who struggle so much to persist, to have tenacity, pertinacity  be resolute and unyielding holding on, follow a course of action.

"Perseverance  commonly suggests activity maintained in spite of difficulties or steadfast and long-continued application." Jeeez we are perseverance soldiers.

It has been a challenging time for us with horsie and ladybug. Believe me...and so when that word/action comes up I am all to happy to hear what people say regarding it.

I read an article by Judith Ancer in the Sunday Times (She is an Educational Psychologist) last weekend, that described how a parents' MOST important value should be perseverance.

Does she realise what she is asking?
Raising our horsie who has Autism, and our ladybug who also now has Asthma (and I suspect food allergies), that is ALL WE FOCUS ON - is PERSEVERANCE, PATIENCE AND LOVE!!

If we do not follow through with our bio-medical approach with him, his gut (TUMMY/COLON) lining will not heal and his immunity and brain will be subjected to a barrage of toxins, bacteria, pollutants and alike, for all time, losing him completely forever in a FOG of opiates (Wheat, Sugar, Soya, Diary) that just send him into drunk enduced spinning and laughing, which seems altogether something out of MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!!

So yes MS. Ancer I KNOW PERSEVERANCE!!! And guess what its only our beginning - we are looking at ABA THERAPY- SPEECH THERAPY - which involves repetitive, very interactive one-on-one intensive sessions, to enable our horsie who has (APRAXIA) a type of motor planning disorder related to speech. Its exhausting and requires hours upon hours of perseverance. So YES  YESand YES AGIAN...we know all too well about PERSEVERANCE!

Yesterday while shopping for my maybe 8000 packet (I don't really know the number but fear it may be round this number) of nappies for my Horsie, when I came across a mommy in the BABY CITY, almost yelling at her sweet TALKING inquisitive child, to STOP IT STOP IT!!! It gnawed away at me - I almost and those who know me - know this would not have been a problem to do - but I almost grabbed the silly idiot mother by the pony tail, and said, JUST ANSWER YOUR CHILD - JUST SPEAK WITH HER - She is trying to gain your attention, your approval - YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO Blessed you IDIOT for a child who CAN talk - WHO WANTS TO COMMUNICATE and LEARN with her enquiring CLEAR FOG FREE BRAIN!!!!

But I thought...nope this is my stuff, this is my work, to stand in this que, WATCH and realise that we are different, we deal with different issues at different times and stages, and that's ok!!

Perseverance...well that's high on my "I'M DOING IT LIST"!!

HERE IS to tenacity, persistence and unyielding love, patience and perseverance!
Horsie and ladybug  the great Teachers of my life.


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