FULL NEST SYNDROME

So many many mommies worry about the EMPTY NEST SYNDROME...
In fact just this past Monday night in the new season of ARMY Wives on Mnet, there was the theme again and it got me thinking about this.

It got me thinking about... my horsie...
Would I ever actually feel the "EMPTY NEST"?
Or would it be more of a FULL NEST SYNDROME?

At some point a mother of a child with special needs will allow herself to go to that ugly dark black wolf within her...the one that thinks about how hard - how tough it is raising a child with needs - that its almost entirely exhausting - so taxing, and will wonder will it ever END - will it EASE? or is this the life she is TRAPPED in - confined to?

Don't string me up and "burn me at the stake" for my utterly negative thoughts...but will I ever feel lonely? or will my Horsie be with us forever? It is daunting and frightening and awesome and great and ugly all at once. I want HORSIE TO LEAVE US (yes I actually verbalised that)- but I am also realistic...

He has moved up the CARRS Scale in terms of his diagnosis with Autism - to an expressive "MODERATE" but when oh when will the LANGUAGE come - the music to my ears "MOMMY" or "LOVE YOU?" and the FREE FLOW thereof???? He has some words here and there...but comon let it roll (Rocky rolls as ladybug says.)

Horsie is 5...5...
I want to start thinking horrid thoughts about saying good bye to my kids...and as in Army Wives be begged by my kids to get a dog or a cat to help fill the void...
I KNOW I MAY SEEM WEIRD BUT I WANT THAT...

But it just seems like my destiny - is more FULL than empty...yet another "special" difference in our lives!

Ok so I have laid myself bare...
I have shown you ...its not just all smiley faces and happiness...
Its NOT ALWAYS EASY raising our Horsie and ladybug
But...
Its always PROVOKING - thought, soul and body.

So if I have a fledgling...who stays longer than ever expected...he or she (lets face it ladybug is joined at my hip too) will just have to NEST WITH ME!!