Mommy fail

So this week...
I have been having THE FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF BLUES
But bad...

My BODY IS RUN DOWN...
BUT normally my MIND makes up...
This week my mind packed its suticase and left the PLANET...

I have been moody...very unpleasant in fact...
and you guess it...a mommy fail..no sunny self at home..sheer misery actually...

SO I think IM EXHAUSTED...
Full time - high pressured sales job will do that combined with mommyhood...will do that.
I NEED a check up because I cant do this mommy fail thing...
MY KIDS NEED SUNNY THEY NEED LOVING and at the moment I feel empty...like I have nothing to give...

NEED to get out this funk..
NO this is NOT A NICE POST...but its reality...Im only human as they say...
Whats tough is admitting what a rotten one Ive been this week...

ACTION PLAN - HORMONE CHECK UP ASAP!!!!
MORE EXERCISE TIME (have started spinning a month ago)
AND SOME SCHEDULED DOWN TIME...
Im hoping for some tonight...

why post this...because A LOT OF MOMS FEEL THIS WAY...
Trying to normalise stuff for my other friends and family....
Mommy fails happen
But when we get back up and start again...is what matters...
Plan to make it up to the kiddies soon
The HOW?
Quality time with a happy mommy

Sometimes its REALLY NOT FUN...

This weekend we started with a new CANDIDA regime...to try rid my Horsie of his underlying Candida (THRUSH) systemic - meaning throughout his body (maybe even in his brain)...
WHY?
Because he is NOT sleeping...
He sleeps for a few hours say between 7-11pm and then wakes...almost impulsively as if he won some kind of jackpot or the lotto or something BIG (in that sort of category) and seems high and cant switch off til round 4am...yes 4am...so my MOM who is an absolute SAINT.. (mostly is my sanity keeper) ...takes care of our Horsie...
WHY? Because she is somewhat of an insomniac and as a grandmother has FAAAAR more patience than the average...and well because she is selfless, loving, kind and totally loves ME and HORSIE!!! (Cant think of any other reason why)

Anyway back to the no sleep and the medicine regime...
Now with this regime comes exacerbation of ANY behavioural issues you currently we are dealing with...for us its...SHRIEKING...
Horsie has been delivering EAR piercing HIGH HIGH decibel SHRIEKS and believe me when I say...it ain't OPERA or FUN on the ears..in fact I cant take it...there I said it...I CANT...

So this weekend with the new meds for candida its been particularly NERVE wrecking and tough...lots of tears...lots of shrieking...lots of acting out...biting of his own hands...lots of pinching and scratching....this behaviour is usually when he is in pain...and well he is...his bowel is under siege...

WE ARE KILLING off the yeast overgrowth and candida...and Horsie's body is NOT PLEASED...

Why are we doing this...AGAIN...to sleep...anyone who does not sleep or suffers from insomnia who perhaps has a few nights of terrible sleep can relate...its the most horrible LACK OF...a person can have...its devastating to your productivity to your focus to your mind...all of which we are trying to improve for Horsie...therefore counter productive...
ITS EXHAUSTING...
6 years of it....

Lets hope these symptoms die down soon...pardon he pun...
THIS IS REALLY IS NOT FUN!!!
;(