HOGWASH HAPPENS!!

Ok so the HOGWASH all our moms feed us about how wonderful, special and great it is to be a mother...well I think that on those days where all those fuzzy wuzzy tingling feelings are remembered and experienced are the ONLY times that our mothers' remember and then SPOON feed us as we grow, as we think about procreating...

If they fed us the real dirt on just how TOUGH, how much of yourself you sacrifice, how lost you feel at times and how much despair, inadequacy, and how utterly scared you are as a mother at times...we would NEVER really even think of opening our wombs for love, life and all that our beautiful horses and ladybugs offer.

Both my beauties are sick...YES AT THE SAME TIME!!! It is horrible because you cant fully give of yourself to both, and in this weather the CABIN FEVER is reaching EPIC A-BOMB levels!!!! Thank goodness for family and friends who rescue us in their special own ways. (you know who you are!!!!)

It is AWEFUL HARD to know why my horsie is feeling the way he is...all crazy and upside down...why? Because he CANT EXPRESS IT TO ME- HE CANT tell me! So I play a guessing game, which sometimes ends up with a BING BING light ringing mommy wins and so does Horsie cause we can work with what we know...but sometimes like today, we fall short, mommy loses, and the consequences is that - I got bitten twice today.

BITTEN - not in the nice sense like BELLA desires from EDWARD in Twighlight with romance seduction and HOT....mmmmm...(Keep it clean) but with FRUSTRATION and pure "YOUR NOT LISTENING TO ME" angst. Horsie bit down sore and hard on a region of my body which used to allow for his nourishment and care, but now shows all the signs of a mommy of two (try use your imagination here), as well as on my arm.

The pain at first although really EINA... fades... its the pain of realising he is FRUSTRATED and used his only method to get me to listen...as I wasnt before he bit me. I feel sorry for myself and escape to the bathroom...crying tears of anger, of hardship, of toughness...why me, why did I have to be "blessed" as everyone keeps reminding me of...of this freaking AUTISM!!!!! (Note my horsie - his AUTISM!)

My beautiful horsie...my boy...why? It is tough, it is hard, it is challenging, its definitely NOT for sissies!!! So this HOGWASH from our moms about how wonderous motherhood is...well...maybe due to either their brains wired differently to mine, or they choose to forget the tough times to rise above it, to remember the OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD times...

So yes I had a YUK day...it wont be the last...but I also have soooooo many super GREAT days...

So here is to the HOGWASH our mommies fed us and keep feeding us!!!
Without mommies we wouldnt be here, we wouldnt sacrifice, and we wouldnt LIVE life fully!
Here is to MOTHERHOOD
HERE IS to being SOLDIER GIRLS!!!