Sweet Smell of Angels

So the last few weeks have been a SERIOUS ROLLERCOASTER...
Here goes J in Hospital for her spider bites, then C in hospital for Bronchial Pneumonia, me starting a new job, hubby settling in his new job, having a wonderful fundraiser at barnyard (CRESTA), going to see Kings of Leon and finally this week culminating in J having about a 8cm cotton-wool something being pulled from her left nostril by her teacher...

Tomorrow we off to SIN CITY for a night, and then I fly to cape Town for training for a week with my new company.

It feels sometimes that the world has stopped and I keep turning...almost like the spinning Horsie does to regulate. I feel at times so out of control and yet...having to play warrior!

What amazes me is what an impact our Horsie has on people.
At the Barnyard - I gave a little speech (so unusual for me...NOT) I feel my little crusade that education, tolerance and above all UNDERSTANDING is so important it surpasses all else...and feel in every opportunity MY IN BRED INSTINCTUAL NEED to share, to share our life, our challenges, our fears our triumphs...and in for this reason why I blog (well and selfishly its cathartic too.)

An unknown who attended the barnyard last week, not part of OUR 140 STRONG CROWD was so moved by C and our story, that he donated there and then with TEARS in his eyes, now nothing nothing comes close to seeing a grown man who is not related, tears in his eyes saying how he is moved by us...BY US???WOW!

And then another stranger... did the same...

It just makes me realise and breathe in the sweet smell of angels...all around us in all shapes and forms.

And just like that night, this week again confronted with a sweet angel in the form of ladybug's teacher who all on her own managed to pull out some "cotton-wool" like thingy from my child's nose...I was beginning to think, NO I did think...that October was HELLOWEEN month for us, both kids in hospital in one month...ABSURD!!! Teacher even said, "NO MORE hospitals - Its November!"

One comparison I can make after this little experience, is that the lazy boy chairs at Flora are much more new comfy and better, than the ones at Olivedale although both hospitals were so great! Our doctors well -angels!!! Thank you!!!

So you will for give me for having some "radio silence" as good blog friend of mine describes...

We were just taking in the sweet smell of ANGELS!!!

FULL NEST SYNDROME

So many many mommies worry about the EMPTY NEST SYNDROME...
In fact just this past Monday night in the new season of ARMY Wives on Mnet, there was the theme again and it got me thinking about this.

It got me thinking about... my horsie...
Would I ever actually feel the "EMPTY NEST"?
Or would it be more of a FULL NEST SYNDROME?

At some point a mother of a child with special needs will allow herself to go to that ugly dark black wolf within her...the one that thinks about how hard - how tough it is raising a child with needs - that its almost entirely exhausting - so taxing, and will wonder will it ever END - will it EASE? or is this the life she is TRAPPED in - confined to?

Don't string me up and "burn me at the stake" for my utterly negative thoughts...but will I ever feel lonely? or will my Horsie be with us forever? It is daunting and frightening and awesome and great and ugly all at once. I want HORSIE TO LEAVE US (yes I actually verbalised that)- but I am also realistic...

He has moved up the CARRS Scale in terms of his diagnosis with Autism - to an expressive "MODERATE" but when oh when will the LANGUAGE come - the music to my ears "MOMMY" or "LOVE YOU?" and the FREE FLOW thereof???? He has some words here and there...but comon let it roll (Rocky rolls as ladybug says.)

Horsie is 5...5...
I want to start thinking horrid thoughts about saying good bye to my kids...and as in Army Wives be begged by my kids to get a dog or a cat to help fill the void...
I KNOW I MAY SEEM WEIRD BUT I WANT THAT...

But it just seems like my destiny - is more FULL than empty...yet another "special" difference in our lives!

Ok so I have laid myself bare...
I have shown you ...its not just all smiley faces and happiness...
Its NOT ALWAYS EASY raising our Horsie and ladybug
But...
Its always PROVOKING - thought, soul and body.

So if I have a fledgling...who stays longer than ever expected...he or she (lets face it ladybug is joined at my hip too) will just have to NEST WITH ME!!